Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
There are a couple of reasons why most guys are too shy in approaching women who are with other guys.
They assume that the girl is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.
This isn't a real reason to not talk to a woman, especially in a bar - it's a social setting where people meet other people. Plus - she's not his "slave" - she's a human being, not a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses.
Approaching a woman who is "with" a guy often will make you look extremely confident, and draw out his jealous side, making him look insecure and weak.
The second reason why guys don't approach woman who is "with" a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the "other guy" is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.
This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been fixed into human brain.
It's often hard to tell who the more "dominant" human is in any given interaction. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.
As was probably common thousands of years ago, a guy doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally.
So it's smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead or exiled from the tribe.
And then their genes were taken out of the "game" so to speak.
So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.
The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.
The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a woman talking to another guy, you would think she's not WITH him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
For many instances I've approached a girl with a guy thinking it was her boyfriend, then only to find out that he was just a random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:
DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.
You'll never know until you find out. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.
So use your head - just don't limit your options by making false assumptions.
About the Author:
Mystery's The Pick up Artist Season Two is coming on VH1. Mystery appears in Neil Strauss the Game.
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