Saturday, August 2, 2008

Useful Mindsets in Dealing with Male Competition - I

By Vin DiCarlo


Have you avoided approaching a girl just because she is talking to another guy?

Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.

Most guys shy away from approaching women who are with other guys for a couple reasons.

They think that the woman is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.

This isn't a real reason to not talk to a woman, especially in a bar - it's a social setting where people meet other people. Plus - she's not his "slave" - she's a human being, not a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses.

You will extremely look confident if you approach more often a woman who is "with" a guy and this can draw out the guy's jealous side, making him look weak and insecure.

The other reason guys don't approach women with other men points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.

Guys assumed that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful than they are. Men tend to be threatened by other men.

This exist in an ancient survival strategy that has been passed through human minds.

It's often hard to tell who the more "dominant" human is in any given interaction. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.

A guy doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

To assumed that the guy is a threat is the safest way to play. Because guys that are too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take them a single mistake that can end up their game.

And then their genes were taken out of the "game" so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - men makes a false assumptions that will lead them to avoid approaching women unnecessarily.

The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a woman talking to another guy, you would think she's not WITH him.

Usually, they JUST MET!

I can't tell you how many times I've approached a woman thinking she was "with" a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I have regrets when I remember that I used to completely not talking to a woman because I saw her being with another guy. So many opportunities that I've wasted. This brings me to my first point:

DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.

Approach a woman so that you will know what they really are. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.

So be smart and wise - don't just stick around on having a false judgment.

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