Have you ever avoided talking to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.
They think that the woman is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.
Guys shouldn't think this as a barrier of talking to a woman. Plus - she's not a guy's "slave" or a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses, especially in a social situation like in the bar where people meet other people.
Approaching a woman who is "with" a guy often will make you look extremely confident, and draw out his jealous side, making him look insecure and weak.
The second reason why guys don't approach woman who is "with" a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.
Guys assumed that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful than they are. Men tend to be threatened by other men.
This exist in an ancient survival strategy that has been passed through human minds.
The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious, and it's hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is in any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.
He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
So it's better to play safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Guys that were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take a single loss to end up dead or exiled from the game.
And then their genes were eliminated from "race" so to speak.
Usually the one that can lived long enough to survive and reproduce are those guys that played it safe and avoided confrontation.
The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.
The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a woman talking to another guy, you would think she's not WITH him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
For many instances I've approached a girl with a guy thinking it was her boyfriend, then only to find out that he was just a random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:
DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.
Approach a woman so that you will know what they really are. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.
So use your head - just don't limit your options by making false assumptions.
About the Author:
Mystery's The Pick up Artist Season Two is coming on VH1. Mystery appears in Neil Strauss the Game.
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