Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
Most guys shy away from approaching women who are with other guys for a couple reasons.
Most guys when they saw the girl being with another guy, they think it is her boyfriend.
Guys shouldn't think this as a barrier of talking to a woman. Plus - she's not a guy's "slave" or a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses, especially in a social situation like in the bar where people meet other people.
Approaching oftenly a woman who is "with" a guy can make you look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the guy, making him look insecure and weak.
The second reason why guys don't approach woman who is "with" a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the "other guy" is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.
This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been fixed into human brain.
In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.
He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
So it's smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead or exiled from the tribe.
And then their genes were taken out of the "race" so to speak.
Usually the one that can lived long enough to survive and reproduce are those guys that played it safe and avoided confrontation.
The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.
The thing is, most times when you see a woman talking to another guy in the bar or club, she's not WITH him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
I can't tell you how many exact times I have approached a woman that is being with a guy that I thought he was "with" that guy or say a boyfriend, then only to find out that it was just a dude that approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:
I SHOULDN'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.
Approach a woman so that you will know what they really are. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.
So use your head - just don't limit your options by making false assumptions.
About the Author:
Vin has something very interesting to say about VH1's Pick Up Artist Exposed show.
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