How to Deal with Male Competition when Meeting Women-I

By Vin DiCarlo

Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?

Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.

There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.

They assume that the girl is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.

This shouldn't be the basis of not talking to a woman. Especially in a social setting like in the bar, where people meet other people. Plus - that woman is not a "slave" of the guy or a piece of property, she's a human being and is free to whomever she chooses to talk to.

You will extremely look confident if you approach more often a woman who is "with" a guy and this can draw out the guy's jealous side, making him look weak and insecure.

The other reason points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception that's why they avoid talking to woman who is "with" a guy.

Men tend to be threatened by other men, instantly assuming that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful.

This exist in an ancient survival strategy that has been passed through human minds.

In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.

He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

So it's better to play safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Guys that were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take a single loss to end up dead or exiled from the game.

And then their genes were eliminated from "race" so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony is that most of approach anxiety nowadays have the basis on this hard-wired survival strategy - the false assumptions of the guys will lead them to unnecessarily avoid women.

The thing is, most times when you see a woman talking to another guy in the bar or club, she's not WITH him.

Usually, they JUST MET!

For many instances I've approached a girl with a guy thinking it was her boyfriend, then only to find out that he was just a random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:

I SHOULDN'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.

You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just remember that in time that they are together you should be alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and may start a confrontation.

So use your brain - just don't be stagnant in making a false assumptions.

About the Author:

Vin has something very interesting to say about VH1's Pick Up Artist vh1 show.